Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Jersey Shaken to its Core by Radicals

Controversy is thick on the ground as the recently founded party Reform Jersey begins to make its mark on the political scene. The radical-Communist-Feminist group has caused a stir by openly supporting gay marriage, paid maternity leave, and earthquakes. Government officials in the other Channel Islands say that the situation in Jersey is “out of hand”.

The recent spike in earthquakes amidst debates over gay marriage and maternity leave has aroused a great deal of suspicion. Many hold Reform Jersey personally responsible while a select few blame Tom Jones. When asked if Tom Jones frequently causes earthquakes whilst on tour, one devoted fan said:
“It’s not unusual.”
Tom Jones was unavailable to comment on this issue.

An unaligned States Member said of Reform Jersey:
“If they get their way, pregnant women, earthquakes and gays will abound. What will Jersey become? There will be nothing left to rebuild.”
When asked about the party’s policy on earthquakes, a member of Reform Jersey who wished to remain anonymous said:
“As a whole, we support earthquakes and will back any legislation which is pro-earthquake.”
 Even the 4.2 magnitude earthquake, said to be one of the biggest in Channel Island history?
“We wouldn’t support one earthquake and not another. That would be discriminatory.”
 So did Reform Jersey have anything to do with the recent bout of earth-tremors?
“No comment.”
Many people are upset by the general lack of response by the government to the series of natural disasters which has shaken the Islanders both literally and figuratively. In the worst affected parts of the Island there remain scenes of utter devastation; roof-tiles loosened, fences knocked flat. After today’s tremor, one resident stated:
“The government have taken no prevential measures whatsoever. This is the third time my fence has come down. Someone could have been hurt.”
Those most affected by the unrelenting wave of earthquakes in recent days are calling for July 12th to be known as ‘Jersey Earthquake Memorial Day’.

L.A. Maison

The Poster for the Memorial Day Campaign


  1. Luckily this madness will end when the mainstream media wake up to the danger and inform all level headed jerseymen* in time for the next election.

    You masterfully identified members of the next fake government in waiting in one of your scoops back in March:

    What a refreshing mix of right wing politics for the reactionary retards, blended with new age mumbo-jumbo to appeals to the celebutard youth and their hangers-on

    We simply implore "Jabba the Morgan" to stand in the senatorials. She would surely double her vote (maybe into treble figures!) if she sought an island wide mandate.

    * a level headed jerseymen* dribbles from both sides of his mouth
    (unless he is panicked by pre-election JEP or Cover-up TV, in which case he takes an involuntary lurch to the right)